CHUMs

Have you heard it before? That concern or complaint about your church or youth group?

• “The youth group has just changed”
• “I don’t fit into the group anymore”
• “I am too old for the group”
• “It is all home schooled; I’m not”
• “I have never felt welcome in this youth group”
• “I just don’t have any friends there”
• “People are just so awkward”
• “I can’t invite my school friends there”
• “I just can’t relate to anyone there”

What should we do? Smugly ignore them as immature and insignificant? Nervously cater to them and start changing things right away? No, no. There is a better way.

Now, has everyone in your youth group had the same experience? Probably not. But is there a semblance of truth to the complaints? Likely. 

Can we do something about it? I think so. Will we be able to satisfy everyone’s needs? Nope.

The biblical solution is to exercise discernment and to begin to pray for those who have been hurt or offended by others in the church. Maybe they are just being selfish about relationships. Maybe they are just complaining. Maybe their expectations for others are unreasonable. Maybe they are airing their griefs to excuse themselves from having to deal with interpersonal conflict. And maybe they actually have been wrongly treated. Or both.

After thinking about it, I believe the goal should be to humbly consider their concerns, prayerfully evaluate their observations, and carefully address any problems (whether immoralities or immaturities) in the group by confronting and correcting them out of honor for Christ. It is likely a teachable moment for the whole group.

Ultimately, what I think it comes down to is helping your youth group cultivate charity, humility, unity, & maturity (C.H.U.M. – “a close friend”).

Consider what God has to say about each of these key components of healthy relationships in your youth group:

CHARITY

Romans 12:9-10, 13-16 “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor… 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited.”

James 2:8, 9 “If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself,’ you are doing well. 9 But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.”

1 John 3:16-18 “By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 17 But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”

HUMILITY

John 3:30 “He must increase, but I must decrease.”

Philippians 2:2-4 “Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.”

UNITY

1 Corinthians 1:10, 11 “I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. 11 For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers.”

Ephesians 4:1-3 “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Titus 3:9-11 “But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless. 10 As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, 11 knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”

MATURITY

1 Corinthians 3:1-4 “But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. 2 I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, 3 for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? 4 For when one says, ‘I follow Paul,’ and another, ‘I follow Apollos,’ are you not being merely human?”

1 Timothy 4:12 “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.”

Hebrews 5:11-6:1 “About this we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. 12 For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, 13 for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. 14 But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil. 6:1 Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God.”

May God be gracious to our youth group to grow in charity, humility, unity, and maturity for the good of every member and the honor of Jesus Christ. This is the way for our students to have a great time with others who also call upon the name of the Lord!

Your chum,

Kyle

_{Photo cred: https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/travel/a40095246/traveling-with-friends-quotes/}